Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
and you fell through a lawn chair
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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