Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Boobs are out for the taking
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
