hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize