I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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