she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
