dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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