u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
