Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
