you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
