i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize