so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
