Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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