Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
