so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
