so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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