I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is Oprah even human
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
