I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
