woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize