Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
