Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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