sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
