there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
