what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
