super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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