Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
