How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
