the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
