i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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