the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize