Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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