she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
