I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
