you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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