Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize