That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
