Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We have started to decorate penises.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
