For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
