areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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