my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
