Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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