Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize