She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
