i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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