Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize