So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
