There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Still dying that you shit outside
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
