Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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