i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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