just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need water and some morals
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
