Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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