I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
