she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
