I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
