So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
