I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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