Screwed.edu
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
