I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
