so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
