I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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