I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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