Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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