And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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