Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
