At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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