whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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