dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
