Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
