genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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