that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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