I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
