the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize