i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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