you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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